24 August, 2017

Introverts unite! Separately and for a small amount of time…

Social anxiety has been my “normal” for as long as I can remember. I was never the kid who had a lot of friends. I didn’t attend a lot of birthday parties when I was a child and I never had many people attend my own birthday party. But something I have figured out later than I should have, is that it doesn’t matter that I am an introvert.

I need to learn to be accepting of my own mental health and be comfortable with my own life.

I work hard. I’ve held steady jobs since I was 16 and utilizing the On the Job Training program at my high school. I’m intelligent, or at least I hope I’m slightly above average compared to the local population…

I enjoy reading. I will happily sit at home with my books instead of going out to a bar or a club.. not that many people my age are still going to clubs and bars, but it’s an option.

I will attend an event and essentially beg to leave after two or three hours, if not sooner.

While I am learning to be more accepting of myself, I also need to come to terms that not everyone is like me… My family enjoys parties and theme parks and calling up a few friends to meet for dinner. My coworkers regularly meet up outside of work, but I often beg off or cancel my own attendance at the last minute because this anxiety of being around other people is crippling at times.

The ultimate question here is, do I applaud myself for striving to be more accepting of being myself or do I continue to worry about my future with this anxiety that prevents me from having a “normal” relationship with non-introverts?

Snuggled up at home with my dogs and a book this evening, wishing I had the mentality that would allow me to go out to a movie by myself or do something outside of my routine…

Inner peace, puppy breath, and compassion to all.

❤ Casey

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